Get into their world with them

There is no better gift that you can give to someone than to experience their world with them. Obviously, in order to do this, you have to be willing to get out of your own world. The only skill you need is to inquisitively ask questions. This happens naturally if you sincerely try to understand what their world is like.

Everybody wins when you seek to understand something that is important to another human being. The person whose world you enter gets to share something precious. You may be surprised to learn how few people they have been able to do that with. It fulfills an unmet emotional need just by taking a few moments to understand what they are passionate about. They feel heard and understood. They no longer have to stand alone in their world.

Less obvious is the way that you will win. You will learn about all kinds of new things. You will learn some things about who another human being really is. They will expose something real about themselves.  You will feel their passion with them. It is as honest as interactions get. You get the value of connecting with another person. Your network of human connection just grew larger. You just became stronger and more grounded.

It can start by asking someone what they are doing. Or… by asking some inquisitive questions when they tell you what they did over the weekend.  Or… asking someone about something while you wait in line. Or… by simply taking the time when someone offers to show you something. The latter is a natural inroad to connecting with children. Do you take the time to check out the new fort that they built?

So try it on for size. You will be amazed at the response you get.  They will never forget that you cared enough to get into their world with them.

Team-up against each others’ challenges

We all get blocked, stuck, or overwhelmed on creative projects. So team-up with someone. Create a team with your husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, friend, colleague, or associate. Have each of you identify something that you have resistance toward or are overwhelmed by. Pick someone to go first and then work on it together.

The helper best takes the energizer role. He or she can see the situation with freshness and clarity. They can ask the blocked artist questions to find solutions. But mostly they are there to encourage and support the artist to work through their inhibition, resistances, and fear. Jump off the cliff with them. Do not stop until you have accomplished something beyond what the blocked artist thought was possible. This exercise is intended to allow the artist to see new possibilities and hope. Then later that afternoon or on another day, switch roles and team up against the other person’s block.

You get the added value of creating a shared experience with the person. You get to know each other on a much deeper level. The person in the blocked artist role has to expose and trust. Exposure is the key to intimacy. The artist has to allow the helper into their world; he/she has to be vulnerable.

The helper has to get out of their own world to get into the artist’s world. This in itself can be liberating for the helper. The helper has to be inquisitive and care about the artist’s world. The bond you form in this exercise is powerful. I highly recommend it for couples at any stage of a relationship.

And get used to teaming up. With where we are going in the big, new world- we are going to have to go there together.

Are you inclusive?

Do you allow people in? Do you invite others to be part of what you are doing? Are you open?

Inclusivity is a state of mind. It is born of wanting to share what you are a part of with others. It starts with being willing to allow energy in- with having enough courage to open your heart and allow things in. You have to believe in your survivability. You have to believe that you can manage what you open yourself up to. Then you have no need for defensiveness or exclusivity.

This allows you to be vulnerable and inclusive. You know there is a slight risk, but the connection and the joy of uplifting others is worth it.

Inclusivity is not naive or opening yourself up for the slaughter. You have to be strong and pay attention. You have to use discernment when inviting people. You have to be able to see their intent. You have to determine if they are willing to connect and share. If not, they have no business being there. So being inclusive is being open to people who are willing to be a part of. Some folks are not willing to do this. Best to let them pass by.

Once you allow people in, it is essential to set parameters for the interaction. People are welcome to be part of as long as they stay within the parameters. The parameters keep it safe for everyone involved. Those who are not willing to abide by the parameters are asked to leave. But that was ultimately their choice; they were invited.

Inviting someone to be part of something is the most beautiful gift you could ever offer someone. Are you inclusive?

What is the purpose of this experience?

There is likely a reason that you in the experience that you are in- a purpose specific to that experience. It may be something you need to learn. Or that you need to connect with someone there. It may be that you have something to offer or share with the person or people in the experience.

So it may be useful to be on the lookout for the purpose that you have in your experiences. If you are open and paying attention, it will present itself to you.

This is how we fulfill our life’s purpose. So much is given to finding your purpose- and this is extremely valuable. But when you break it down, you fulfill your purpose one experience at a time. So your broader life purpose can gives you a focus and general awareness as to what your life is about. And then your purpose unfolds itself in the experience that you are in.

There are also unconscious and spiritual forces at work. Say you have been wanting a relationship. And there is someone across town thinking the same thing and looking for similar things. The energy of both your intentions will draw you into a common experience. It may be totally random like being next to each other in line at the bank. Then it is up to you to take it from there.

If you are open to what the “standing in line at the bank” experience has for you, you will say hi and meet them. If you are stressed, harried, or angry there is a line, you will likely miss the opportunity. This happens in all facets of our life.

So next time you are in a boring meeting, ask yourself: “Why am I here. What value or connection can happen here? What is presenting itself?” You will be amazed at what emerges.

Orchestrating your weekend

It’s Wednesday. Wake up. It’s time to orchestrate your weekend. I know you are tired, but people are counting on you. Your significant other needs some romantic time. Your kids need to be exposed to new experiences. Your friend needs to meet for a cup of coffee or a beer- don’t forget to call. And you need some time to develop that passion that you have been feeling. Some you time.

None of this stuff will happen if you don’t focus. If you just let he weekend go any old way- it will be lost. Not that every aspect of it needs to be planned. There will be plenty of room for spontaneity. You just need to set the stage.

You have been given hints of what you can orchestrate. The future participants themselves have alluded to the things they are needing. In the middle of your coworker’s boring story, he mentioned an event that would be perfect. There is an outdoor hockey game. The Kodo drummers are coming. The symphony is playing Beethoven’s Ninth.

All it takes is a little thought- on the drive into work. Get online when you take a break and explore your idea. There is something big that is trying to happen.

You are the conductor. If you can just orchestrate it, and then get out of its way- it will unfold into shared experiences. They will add untold richness to your loved one’s lives. And to yours. It will expose them to things that they would not have otherwise known. Someday they will draw on that experience. It will open up the world to them.

And all it takes is a little thought and consideration. Some orchestration. It is up to you. Are you going to do it?