You hurt my feelings

There are two sides of telling someone your feelings are hurt. On one hand, in order to walk open and honest, you need to express when your feelings get hurt. On the other hand, never lose perspective that your feelings being hurt is your issue. What that person did or said is filtered through your belief systems, perceptions, and past experiences. You are the one that had an issue with it.

The primary things that need to happen when your feelings get hurt is giving and getting information. You need to give them information of what they did or said, how you interpreted it, and how you felt. This will help them understand how you tend to translate things and communicate with you more compassionately. You need to get information about what they intended. In other words, find out what they meant by it.

Since it is critical for both of you to understand that your feelings being hurt is your issue, it is often beneficial to use I statements and take responsibility for what you’re feeling. You might say, “When you said, ‘Why did you do that?’ I took it that you were suggesting that I did it the wrong way. I felt hurt.”

So telling someone they hurt your feelings is actually not the most effective way to tell them they hurt your feelings. Hmm? Better to own how you interpreted it and how you felt.

The challenge is of course that when you are expressing your hurt feelings, it is challenging to own anything. Because after all, your feelings are hurt. It feels like they were mean to you… mistreated you… were insensitive… and whatever else. So there is a tendency to assume that they were.

So why not take a step back and ask them?… “When you said, I was ______, what did you mean by that?”

Vehicles of possibility…

I have taught for years to create a vision of what you want and then “put it out there” in the form of an intention, prayer, or focused thought. I always talked about doing it on an energetic level.

Nowadays there are powerful vehicles you can add to your intention when putting it out there. You’ve heard of them. Vehicles like: Career Builder, Monster, Linked in, Facebook, Craig’s List, Match.com, and countless others. Why not use them? Like ‘em or not- you can’t deny they are powerful. Just don’t attached to and reliant upon them. Use them as a tool to create possibility. Add the power of these networks to carry your intention around the planet.

So why is this news you say? Everybody knows about these sites. It is the way you do it. Use them to create possibility. Let go of your expectations and see what comes back. Say you do not like the town you are in or the job you have, plug some other cites to your career field into Career Builder- just for grins. Two weeks later on Tuesday, you may be sitting at your desk and get a call from a recruiter that has a position you might fit with in Boulder, Colorado. Of course it may or may not work for you. But just the experience of getting the call makes you feel a little less trapped. Maybe the next one will be a situation that could work.

What have you got to lose? I am at the point where I am in several networks just to keep my dreams out there- and possibilities coming in. I forget about them and live my life. And then (seemingly out of nowhere), something comes back to me. It feels like magic. Sometimes I act on it; sometimes I do not.

But it sure is cool that random possibilities keep coming in.

What is presenting itself to you today?

One of the most powerful intentions or prayers to start your day is, “Help me see what is presenting itself to me today.” Everything you want will present itself to you- if you serious about having it. It may, however, be in a form that you do not recognize at first.

The first step is to ask for what you really want. I call this intention. Envisioning or creating a picture around it is inevitable and essential. It gives us motivation to walk toward it.

However, we need to be open to possibilities presenting themselves to us in a different form than we pictured it. Sometimes we have to see beyond the picture in order to recognize the possibility. This requires us to be open-minded. And a willingness to risk and explore- even if the thing presenting itself is a little off.

You might hear yourself saying, “That is so cool, too bad it is not what I am looking for.” Or, “That would be great for my friend- but would not work for me.” Or “I trust him, but his business seems really different.” This may be part of you recognizing the possibility- but it not matching the way you pictured it. It is essential to explore things like this. It may be a possibility presenting itself to you.

So go to the party you were invited to- even though you only know one person. Check out the business meeting you were invited to. Listen to the job offer in a different field of work. Go out with the type of guy that you would not normally go out with. Say, “Why not; what have I got to lose?”

It just me be the thing you want presenting itself to you- and you just do not recognize it yet.

What is the purpose of this experience?

There is likely a reason that you in the experience that you are in- a purpose specific to that experience. It may be something you need to learn. Or that you need to connect with someone there. It may be that you have something to offer or share with the person or people in the experience.

So it may be useful to be on the lookout for the purpose that you have in your experiences. If you are open and paying attention, it will present itself to you.

This is how we fulfill our life’s purpose. So much is given to finding your purpose- and this is extremely valuable. But when you break it down, you fulfill your purpose one experience at a time. So your broader life purpose can gives you a focus and general awareness as to what your life is about. And then your purpose unfolds itself in the experience that you are in.

There are also unconscious and spiritual forces at work. Say you have been wanting a relationship. And there is someone across town thinking the same thing and looking for similar things. The energy of both your intentions will draw you into a common experience. It may be totally random like being next to each other in line at the bank. Then it is up to you to take it from there.

If you are open to what the “standing in line at the bank” experience has for you, you will say hi and meet them. If you are stressed, harried, or angry there is a line, you will likely miss the opportunity. This happens in all facets of our life.

So next time you are in a boring meeting, ask yourself: “Why am I here. What value or connection can happen here? What is presenting itself?” You will be amazed at what emerges.

Send “focused thoughts” to Japan

People underestimate the power of positive thought. Many do not believe it does anything. Focused thought creates an intention. It creates energy. This energy is more subtle (and less visible) that we are accustomed to- but that does not make it any less powerful.

So send focused thoughts to Japan. Of if you like- send a prayer. In one sense, a prayer is a focused thought. You do not need to be a Christian to pray. Religions all around the world pray. Many Christians, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, Naive Americans, Muslims have prayer down. They fire off prayers off like many of us do texts or emails. They touch countless people.

But you do not need to ascribe to a certain set of beliefs to pray. And prayers do not have to be addressed to God. They do not even have to be in the form a prayer. Send caring thoughts. Send love. Send energy. Just send something.

When you see the pictures on TV and feel for them, take a minute and send some love to the little girl you see on the screen. It takes seconds. It makes a huge difference.

If you want to help, but can’t send money- send energy instead. When you are waiting in line or stuck in traffic. Send some caring thoughts. Or if it makes more sense to you- envision healing, strength, sustenance, or even nuclear containment. Just picturing it creates a vibration that will make a difference.

When you send focused thoughts or prayers, it sends a blessing that uplifts someone. The person receiving it doesn’t know that it was a Christian prayer or a positive thought from an atheist. They just might feel a tinge of hope that came out of nowhere. A tinge of hope that helps them keep going.

Then you were part of creating hope and healing. You made a difference. Right from your traffic jam.