No more holding back

I am writing this blog on my 50th birthday. I am taking no prisoners in Life: Part II. As I look back over the previous 50 years, I have few regrets. One tendency that I do regret is holding myself back. Things like (at times) not speaking up, not rocking the boat, or not approaching people/situations when I was drawn to do so. All due to my arch nemesis: inhibition. (A fancy word for fear.)

Then there is the giving up on my dream too soon (ouch). And allowing myself to get distracted from it.

Unfortunately, there is no way to resolve regret- besides promising myself to never allow it to happen again.

So Life: Part I and its regrets stop right here. My life from here forward is going to be focused and free. I already have quite a bit of momentum- so I know it will happen. Time to celebrate.

Feel free to join me by starting your Life: Part II. You get to pick the nature of your Part II. Of course, you do not have to be 50. I guess that is what it took for me to get serious enough about it.

What is it going to take you?

Bad idea

Successful people have good ideas- some of them brilliant. But even more of them are bad. We don’t hear about those much. They are the ones that didn’t make the cut. Many of us assume that people like Steve Jobs only have brilliant ideas. An iPod might be a one in ten thousand idea. Mr. Jobs was just willing to have more bad ideas than we are. He was willing to risk. It is actually successful people’s willingness to have bad ideas that allows them to get to the good ones.

I have to go back to the Nike commercial with Michael Jordan (link) recounting how many times his team entrusted him to take the final shot and he missed. His somewhat famous quote is “I’ve failed over and over and over in my life and that is why I succeed.”

So basically, we just need to fail more. When we are willing to fail as many times as hugely successful people are, we will be hugely successful.

And, this perfection model of ours has got to go. It just inhibits us. We make hundreds, if not thousands, of decisions in a day. Is it really realistic to expect that they all be good? Then, with our propensity for the negative, we zoom in on our worst decisions of the day and identify with them.

Plus, we rarely notice our good decisions- because good decisions often prevent bad (and noticeable) outcomes. But bad decisions crash and burn. We definitely notice those. Then we say, “I make bad decisions, I better not try.”

Or, we give up too early. We give our masterpiece two or three tries and then say, “Well, I guess it’s not going to work. Another bad idea.”

So join me. Got an idea? Let’s see if that sucker flies.

Save the humans

I received and watched an awesome video this week showing people saving dolphins that got washed up on a beach in Brazil. If you have not seen it, I recommend you take a few minutes and watch it now (video link). I found it not only hopeful for human-kind, but also fascinating to observe how people responded to an obvious need for help.

The people on the beach all knew the dolphins needed help and that they needed to do something. But at first they did not know how to approach it. You could almost feel the tension between their desire to help and their fear and inhibition. Then a few people broke through and saved a dolphin. This immediately opened the door for many other people to help. Once they saw it could be done- it was only natural to jump in and lend a hand.

I find this to be true in almost all areas of life. People discover someone or something in need. At first they experience fear and inhibition. And then a brave risk-taker comes long and challenges it. As soon as people see it is possible and acceptable to take action, they allow their generosity and compassion to come out. That is, they give themselves permission to be human. So whenever someone breaks new ground or opens a new door, they make it available for all of human-kind. This is the essence of leadership.

So what we need are door-openers. We need people to see a need, jump in, and take a risk- before it is deemed socially acceptable and safe.

Because we all desperately want to do the things we know are right. We just need you to open the door for us. Then next time, we can pay it forward and open the door for someone else.

Perfection vs. Excellence

Perfection is doing something according to a preconceived notion of what the right thing to do is.
Excellence is exploring what the right thing is in the context of the experience.

Perfection is always just out of reach.
Excellence is immediately accessible by making a choice.

Perfection always has rules about what you need to have before something can be done.
Excellence is working with what you have and finding a way that works.

Perfection is rigid and static.
Excellence is flexible and adaptable.

Perfection says there is only one correct way to do something.
Excellence says there are infinite ways to do something correctly.

Perfection is doing something by applying the correct amount of effort.
Excellence is doing something with everything that you have.

Perfection is constrictive.
Excellence is expansive.

Perfection is conditional.
Excellence is a free gift.

Perfection inhibits.
Excellence inspires.

Perfection creates tension.
Excellence creates freedom.

Which do you choose?

Team-up against each others’ challenges

We all get blocked, stuck, or overwhelmed on creative projects. So team-up with someone. Create a team with your husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, friend, colleague, or associate. Have each of you identify something that you have resistance toward or are overwhelmed by. Pick someone to go first and then work on it together.

The helper best takes the energizer role. He or she can see the situation with freshness and clarity. They can ask the blocked artist questions to find solutions. But mostly they are there to encourage and support the artist to work through their inhibition, resistances, and fear. Jump off the cliff with them. Do not stop until you have accomplished something beyond what the blocked artist thought was possible. This exercise is intended to allow the artist to see new possibilities and hope. Then later that afternoon or on another day, switch roles and team up against the other person’s block.

You get the added value of creating a shared experience with the person. You get to know each other on a much deeper level. The person in the blocked artist role has to expose and trust. Exposure is the key to intimacy. The artist has to allow the helper into their world; he/she has to be vulnerable.

The helper has to get out of their own world to get into the artist’s world. This in itself can be liberating for the helper. The helper has to be inquisitive and care about the artist’s world. The bond you form in this exercise is powerful. I highly recommend it for couples at any stage of a relationship.

And get used to teaming up. With where we are going in the big, new world- we are going to have to go there together.