Tag | exposure

Expose your child, grandchild, or nephew/niece to a variety of things

Aug 12th, 2010No Comments

The more places and experiences young people can experience and feel comfortable in- the better. Why not have them experience: the opera, a dive bar, back-packing, an expensive restaurant, a hockey game, a country club, a middle-eastern restaurant, the subway, a rodeo, Nascar, a wine list, other countries, a Native American Pow-wow, golf, a construction site, a blue-grass festival, an art museum, skiing, and a Bar Mitzvah. And while your there, take the time to show them how those experiences work. Help them find something about that experience that they can enjoy and relate to.

Exposure to different things may be the greatest gift you can give a young person.

And… as they get older, why not expose them to variety of faiths and followers: Catholics, Buddhists, Methodists, Universal Unitarians, Hindus, Jews, Pagans, Atheists, Mormons, Baptists, and Muslims.

Do you trust them to make up their own mind and find what works for them?

That’s expensive you say… yes.  That takes a lot of time… uh huh. And some of that stuff, you have not experienced yourself and is way out of your comfort zone… I know.

Do you want their world to be large or small?

When they get invited to meet their boyfriend/girlfriend’s family at the country club, do you want them to feel poised and comfortable- or frightened and uneasy? Do they have the experience and skills to interact in that world. Do they know which fork to use?

Or do you want to keep them sheltered- so they are frightened as soon as they step outside of your social familiar? Do you want them to go wild when they leave home and have to use alcohol and substances to get beyond their fear and inhibition in order to explore the world. Or worse yet, do you want them to stay in their family’s little world?

Do you want them to find themselves- or do you want them to be like you?

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Exposure and discovery: the key to intimacy

Apr 21st, 2010No Comments

Intimacy is about exposure. It is allowing someone to see who you really are.

In one form or another, our self-beliefs and self-concepts tell us that there is something wrong with us. That if we allow someone to see who we are inside, they will reject us and leave us. So we present ourselves in a way that spins who we are to make us more socially acceptable. We wear a mask.
The downside of hiding or cloaking yourself is that no one really gets to know who you are really are. You are are all alone with how you feel inside. This is the one of the reasons that loneliness is so rampant in our culture.
So if you want to be close with someone you have to be willing to risk. You EXPOSE who you really are to them. One piece at time. You have to trust that they are strong enough to accept and support who we are. And trust that you are strong enough to heal yourself and reconfigure your life if they are not able to. You will feel a bit vulnerable after you expose something real about yourself. Although uncomfortable- that is a sign that you are on the right track.
And… you have to be willing to DISCOVER who they really are. You invite them to expose who they are. When they start sharing something about themselves, you listen and encourage them to continue. Your only intention is discovering and accepting who they are. Ask inquisitive questions. Do not judge or try to solve anything for them. They will be watching closely to see if you are able to accept them.
So if you want to feel close to someone, risk exposing who you are and discovering who they are. Life is much more enjoyable when you have someone to share yourself with.
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