Just the facts please…

Contemporary human beings have a tendency to distort information when translating an experience. We amplify, personalize, or make assumptions about the things we encounter. We then emotionally respond to our translation of the experience rather than the actual experience. This often creates unnecessary unhappiness, anxiety, and stress.

Amplifying is making something larger-than-life. Unfortunately, our anxiety gets amplified as well. Plus, it often creates a ripple effect on those around us. They may further amplify the situation. Pretty soon you have much ado about nothing.

Personalizing is taking information that has nothing to do with us and making it about us. This tends to cause hurt feelings, fear, and anger about something that was never intended for us.

Perhaps the most blatant distortion is our tendency to make assumptions. We give our mind total license to write it’s own script and turn an experience into drama to get fired up about. By the time our assumptive screen writer gets done with it, it no longer resembles what really happened. Sometimes we even lose track of what happened and what we assumed.

The obvious solution when we find ourselves upset or distorting experiences is to return to just the facts of the experience. It is asking, “What do I know for sure?” This allows us to accurately accept and feel the reality of the situation and get closure.

So next time you are freaking out, break it down to just the facts. Life is plenty dramatic, emotional and overwhelming all by itself. No need to add to it.

What’s going on in your world?

This was one of the favorite questions my mentor, Bart Anderson, would ask people. The first thing it helped me realize is that another person’s world or reality may be vastly different than my own. Although geologically we live in the same world, our beliefs about it, and therefore experience of it, may be totally different.

Part of Bart’s magic when he interacted with people was that he really wanted to know what it is was like in your world. He was fascinated by  your current experience of life. He would inquisitively ask questions to understand your world. Then if you would let him, he would come into your world and experience it with you. This was a little scary at first for people, but if they chose to let him in- they did not feel so alone anymore.

Why do I share this? I offer it as a way to interact with people. These days, it is what people need most. Their world is likely isolated. If you want to connect with someone (and they are open to it), there is no better way than to explore their world. I recommend asking questions like: “What are you excited about?” or “What was that like for you?” You will start realizing that even an experience that you shared with them may have been totally different for them. Most people find it fun to compare notes.

So next time you see someone that fascinates you, allow yourself to wonder what it is like for them. And then have the courage to inquire what it is like in their world. They may be taken back a bit. But if they sense you are sincerely interested, they just may tell you.

Be prepared to explore strange new worlds.

Real life sometimes feels pale in comparison…

We watch movies and TV. The events that happen are often larger than life. Then we go home and have a talk with our child and there is not poignant theme music in the background. It feels normal and pale in comparison. It may even be anti-climactic. I used to think I was not doing it right. I used to say, “Is this it?” But it was. It was just life- with no bells and whistles.

The richness that accompanies experiences like that is incredibly subtle. Movie, TV, and books do a great job getting us to feel the emotions of life. The feelings are real and there is value in feeling them. But the dramatic techniques used to get us to feel are not real; they are significantly different than real life.

My teacher used to say we create a “romantic fantasy” around the experince. And then real life inevitable falls short. We had it so idealized the real thing didn’t stand a chance.

Then when we live our life and think we are not doing it right. Chances are we are. And the feelings are more subtle- but they are there. We have to be quiet and still to feel the richness. And, we have to stop comparing it to the way it is depicted in the movies.

So go see movies for entertainment and feeling. But talk to your child to love and support her and make a difference in her life. And allow yourself to appreciate the subtle beauty and richness of the experience. It was absolutely perfect the way it was.

It is a good thing you are alive right now

What if you chose to be here at this time? What if of all the times and places that you could have been born, you chose to be alive now. What if the talents, the way you grew up, and all of your life experiences were designed to equip you to have an effect during this time.

It is a critical time for human beings when you think about it. The world is changing faster than it ever has before. We have a world economy, the Internet, and limited resources. We don’t really understand the effect of all these things happening at once. We have no precedent. Many economists think our struggling economy is going to be with us for a while. With all this change comes casualties. Those that embrace the changes and work together will survive.

So how do you fit in to all this? How do your talents and experiences equip you to lead people through these challenging times. Too busy you say? That’s okay; it’s not what you do- but how you do it- that will make the biggest difference. How you work at your job, run your business, raise your kids, and love your significant other will have a huge effect. More and more people will feel lost during these times and will look over to see what you are doing.

Think about your gifts and the things that you do really well. And then think about the myriad challenges that the world and humankind is facing right now. And then think about where you fit. It may be as simple as listening and caring. It may be dropping what you’re doing when someone is having a rough time. It may be helping someone learn something that you know. Or linking someone up to some resources that you know about.

It is good thing that you are alive right now.

What is the purpose of this experience?

There is likely a reason that you in the experience that you are in- a purpose specific to that experience. It may be something you need to learn. Or that you need to connect with someone there. It may be that you have something to offer or share with the person or people in the experience.

So it may be useful to be on the lookout for the purpose that you have in your experiences. If you are open and paying attention, it will present itself to you.

This is how we fulfill our life’s purpose. So much is given to finding your purpose- and this is extremely valuable. But when you break it down, you fulfill your purpose one experience at a time. So your broader life purpose can gives you a focus and general awareness as to what your life is about. And then your purpose unfolds itself in the experience that you are in.

There are also unconscious and spiritual forces at work. Say you have been wanting a relationship. And there is someone across town thinking the same thing and looking for similar things. The energy of both your intentions will draw you into a common experience. It may be totally random like being next to each other in line at the bank. Then it is up to you to take it from there.

If you are open to what the “standing in line at the bank” experience has for you, you will say hi and meet them. If you are stressed, harried, or angry there is a line, you will likely miss the opportunity. This happens in all facets of our life.

So next time you are in a boring meeting, ask yourself: “Why am I here. What value or connection can happen here? What is presenting itself?” You will be amazed at what emerges.