Who are you protecting?

Who is threatened by your success? Who gets scared when you let yourself shine? Do you crawl back in your box when you see the frightened look on their face?

Intellectually, we know that we are not doing anyone any favors by protecting people. That you would hold yourself back for another person to feel safe is obviously not good for either person. You need to break free, and they need to be pushed out of their comfort zone. It is pop psychology and common sense.

So why do we keep protecting other people? It is an emotional issue and it usually goes really deep. The primary charge probably occurred in childhood. It is usually from an insecure parent being threatened by the beauty of your being. When you were young, you needed the acceptance of your parent(s) for survival. The risk of being awesome and beautiful was too high. So you molded yourself into something that was palatable for your parent(s) and the rest of your family. You learned to fit in. You learned to not rock the boat.

But you are not a child anymore. You are not reliant on your parent for survival. They may not even be alive anymore. It is just a habit or behavioral pattern now. You may have replaced your insecure parent with a new family member- or a boss or friend. So now when you shine or get ready to break free- it is them that becomes frightened.

So we crawl back in our box for them. All is well in Camelot again. Our relationship might not be able to handle it. It’s not that big a deal to stifle our passion. We can tell ourselves our dreams are not that important. We could be happy and free. But as long as everyone feels safe and comfortable- it’ll be alright.

Until it’s not.

What is your dream for humankind?

Martin Luther King, Jr had a dream. Not for just himself- but for his people, and ultimately for humankind.

All dreams are awesome and powerful. Personal dreams for your life are essential to creating the life that you want. You deserve that and owe it to yourself. But on Martin Luther King Day, it is day to get outside yourself and reach beyond your personal dreams.

So… What is your dream for humankind? What is your dream for your people? How would you like to see the world change in your lifetime? How can you be part of that change?

My dream is for us to create a more collaborative way of life. That we work together to support and uplift each other. Not only is it natural for us to do this for each other, but I think we will ultimately need to in order to survive. The economy and the world’s challenges are forcing us to collaborate. We can do it willingly- or on our hands and knees.

So back to your dream for humankind. Focus on it today. Meditate on it. Offer a prayer for humankind. Share it with a friend. Respond to this blog. But, put it out there one way or another. Don’t keep it to yourself. It needs to interact with other people and other dreams. This will allow it to unfold itself.

Dreams, after all, are the most powerful thing on the planet.

Forgive yourself for not giving yourself what is important to you

“Did they get you to trade

Roger Waters, Pink Floyd, Wish You Were Here (listen to song on YouTube)

It was us that made the choices to walk way from the things we wanted most. Nobody took them from us. It just felt like that. We allowed it. We sold ourselves short. We gave up the things mattered most. We let ourselves down. We betrayed ourselves.

Our issue is with ourselves. We just keep projecting it on to everyone around us. It is too painful to admit that we did it to ourselves.

It is time we healed this. We need to make amends to ourselves. We must forgive ourselves for not giving ourselves the things we wanted most. Making amends has two parts: 1. Forgiving ourselves; 2. Promising ourselves that it will never happen again. Dealing with this prevents us from pushing it away.

Because… if we took it from ourselves- then we can still provide to ourselves. It is within our control. Everything you always wanted is still available to you. All of your dreams. They just may present themselves a little differently. The characters and set may be different, but the plot is the same. I promise you it is still there for you- if you just allow it. You have to believe in possibility.

All we have to do is accept that it was us that let our dream slip away, and forgive ourselves. Then we can stop pushing it away and start seeing possibilities.

Could get pretty scary and sad- but the stakes are high. And what have you got to lose? A lead role in a cage?