Arterial bleeding

It is the perfect time of year to re-evaluate whether or not the things in your life still serve you. We are creatures of habit. Often we continue to do things out of obligation. Perhaps we agreed to do something back when we had other priorities in our lives. Or maybe we just continue to do things without thinking much about it. It is just what we do. And now it has become comfortable.

The only problem is doing these things may no longer be relevant. You have changed. What is important you has changed. But yet you are still doing what you decided to do when you had different priorities. It may be time for an update.

It is the natural time of year for introspection. The days are short. It is the perfect time to go inside. And while you’re in there, take a look at how you spend your time, energy, and resources. Are those things still serving you? Are they getting you closer to what is important to you?

Things that no longer serve you drain your time, energy, and resources. They are like arterial bleeding. They squander your precious life force. They sap your strength.

Giving up the things that no longer serve you stops the bleeding. It allows you to build energy and momentum for something new. New possibilities will begin to present themselves to you in the spring. If you stop the bleeding now, you will have the vitality to pursue the new stuff.

Seems like a small price to pay for new beginnings…

Good teachers are artists

Are you a teachable teacher? Are you open to learning when you are teaching or explaining something? The best teachers I have met are always willing to learn- while they are teaching. They are willing to challenge and expand their truth. My all-time favorite teacher once thanked me for all the things he learned while he was teaching me.

Many teachers, counselors, consultants, and parents are relatively set in their way of teaching. It is up to the student to flex into their way of doing things. The teacher is, after all, the master or expert.  This static approach of teaching is limited.

Different people learn in different ways. The way the teacher learned may not make sense to the student. Effective teachers are willing to teach from the perspective of the student. They get into the student’s world with them and explore with them a way to learn the material. Many times the teacher may not know ahead of time how he/she and the student are going to connect the dots. This takes a willingness to trust yourself in finding an inroad with the student.

Each time the teacher is willing to discover a new way of presenting the material, his/her understanding of the subject expands. Because the teacher was willing to get out of their own world (comfort zone), they see the material from a new perspective. The perspectives of the student and teacher often have a synergistic effect on each other. They team up and collaborate to solve the challenges together. Growth to both parties in inevitable.

And… good teachers are artists. They will creatively present the material in a number of ways until the student gets it. They rarely teach things the same way. This selfless stretching to adapt to the student allows the teacher and the student to have breakthroughs and discoveries.

It is what keeps the teaching fresh and relevant (and not boring).

Getting involved creates connections

Whenever you get involved in something, it creates connections with other people. The higher the number and depth of connections, the stronger and more grounded you are- whether in business, or socially in a community.

The other night the Jacuzzi was not working at the gym I go to. Some of the people started to talk negatively about the gym and how they were cutting costs. Being a small business owner, I shared this with the manager. (In other words- I got involved.) Later she saw me and we spoke further about it. We talked about the business of the gym. Although, I did not intend it, I now have a new friend and business associate. If I did not get involved, we would likely have never met.

Getting involved almost always brings connections as a side benefit. From one perspective, getting involved creates a reason to engage with people. The connection(s) created are almost always worth the time and energy you expend getting involved.

The thing it reminds me of is making up some reason to talk to a pretty girl I wanted to meet. Getting involved is a nonthreatening reason to talk to people. Once you start talking to them and learning more about them, all kinds of cool things can happen. You can join forces in different ways and create win-win scenarios. You can be friends. You can be business associates. You can go out.

Just have to get over that inhibition and comfort zone long enough to get involved. Could be as easy as saying “hi” while waiting in line. Or paying some one a sincere compliment. Or offering to give someone a hand.

You should be looking for opportunities do these things all the time. You will be shocked with the connections that begin to open up to you.

Stop apologizing for yourself

What if there was nothing wrong with you? Only that you believe there is something wrong with you. Your human qualities are what distinguish you from other people. Why would you apologize for them?

If other people have issues with you, they are, after all, their issues. Not to say that you may not want to change something about yourself- but do it on your terms. Not because somebody else would prefer that you did- so they could be more comfortable.

We are trained that way. If something is wrong, it must be someone’s fault. And some of us are in the habit to take the blame. It often goes back to a role we took in our family of origin. But that was when we were young and needed to do so to feel loved. At this point it may be a habit that no longer serves you.

And there are many that love it when you take the blame. Then they do not have to be accountable to themselves. Enabling someone like this takes away their opportunity to learn the lessons they need to. So whether they are a significant other, family member, or child- do not let them off the hook. It prevents them from developing character and strength. And it gives away your personal power.

Of course like all habits, ceasing to apologize for yourself may require you to get out of your comfort zone. Most worthwhile things do. If you pay attention, you will increase your awareness and start noticing yourself apologizing for yourself. At first you may notice it after you do it. But if you stay with it, you will start to notice right before you are about to apologize for yourself. Then you have the choice to not do it. Why not give it a shot? See what happens.

Besides, maybe you are just perfect for where you are at.

“Dream until your dream comes true” -Steven Tyler

Dream on. I remembered this old Aerosmith (http://www.aerosmith.com/) song the other day as I thought about my dream. I can distinctly remember hearing it for the first time after I finally got the courage to slow dance with a girl I liked at a junior high dance. Later that week, it became the first album I ever bought- I had to hide it for my father. It resonated with me then and it still does thirty-plus years later.  (Link to hear “Dream on” by Aerosmith on You Tube.)

Do you still dream? Do you allow yourself? My mentors keep telling me to dream bigger. They say then I will have to become big enough to actualize my dream. Pretty cool- maybe a little scary.

How many of us have given up on our dreams? We didn’t see a way to pull it off so we shrunk it, let it go, or settled. It takes a lot of courage to dream again. It was likely painful when we gave it up the first time. Getting hopeful again feels like we may be setting ourselves up for disappointment or heart-break. This fear likely comes up whether it is opening your heart again in a relationship, starting your own business, getting back into an art form,  pursuing a cause/way to make a difference, or whatever your dream is.

But what is the alternative? Without a dream there is no passion. There is no drive or motivation to go through the tough times of unfolding something we care about. It is much easier to become comfortable with what we settled for. But where is the life in that?

So find the courage to dream again. Find people that are strong enough to support your dream. And above all… “Dream on. Dream until your dream comes true.”