See what is available to you

Our self-beliefs dictate what we see as available to us. Many people have difficulty accessing the things they want in their life. Usually, this is a problem of not seeing the things available to them. It is rarely about the resources not being around them.

A friend and I were at a party. I noticed this beautiful woman checking out my friend. I said, “Hey that woman over there likes you.” He checked her out, but did nothing. A while later, I saw the same woman showing unmistakable interest in my friend. I asked, “Are you going to go over there and talk to her?” He said, “Oh no, women like that never like me.” I said clearly this is not the case. But his mind was made up and he never approached the woman. Later that night he complained about how he never gets a chance to meet women.

This is a dramatic example, but we do this to ourselves all the time. Our belief systems are stories we tell ourselves about who we are in relation to the things around us. My friend’s belief systems told him who he was in relation to the beautiful woman. Belief systems are limiting when they take away our ability to see possibility. We all have resources all around that we are not allowing ourselves to see. Even when we do see them, we immediately tell ourselves that they are not for us.

These limiting self-beliefs need to be challenged in order to access the things that we want. You have to believe that the things you want are around you and and available to you. You just have to see them. You have to look beyond your preconceptions and objectively look at everything around you. You have to see things as they are.

Cool things are presenting themselves to you all the time. And they are for you.

Forgive yourself for not giving yourself what is important to you

“Did they get you to trade

Roger Waters, Pink Floyd, Wish You Were Here (listen to song on YouTube)

It was us that made the choices to walk way from the things we wanted most. Nobody took them from us. It just felt like that. We allowed it. We sold ourselves short. We gave up the things mattered most. We let ourselves down. We betrayed ourselves.

Our issue is with ourselves. We just keep projecting it on to everyone around us. It is too painful to admit that we did it to ourselves.

It is time we healed this. We need to make amends to ourselves. We must forgive ourselves for not giving ourselves the things we wanted most. Making amends has two parts: 1. Forgiving ourselves; 2. Promising ourselves that it will never happen again. Dealing with this prevents us from pushing it away.

Because… if we took it from ourselves- then we can still provide to ourselves. It is within our control. Everything you always wanted is still available to you. All of your dreams. They just may present themselves a little differently. The characters and set may be different, but the plot is the same. I promise you it is still there for you- if you just allow it. You have to believe in possibility.

All we have to do is accept that it was us that let our dream slip away, and forgive ourselves. Then we can stop pushing it away and start seeing possibilities.

Could get pretty scary and sad- but the stakes are high. And what have you got to lose? A lead role in a cage?

See yourself as “part of”

When you are in an experience, do you see yourself as “part of” or “separate from”?  If you see yourself as part of, everything in the experience is available to you. You have a right to be involved- just because you are there.

So no more “being on the outside looking in”. The experience in front of you needs you to get involved. I was in the grocery store a while back and this woman was yelling at her son, “How could you be so stupid?”- as I was walking by. I was feeling bold that day and simply said, “Don’t say that to him.” She said, “That is none of your business. I responded, “You made it my business when you said it in the middle of the bread isle.”

I was part of that experience. Why not get involved and play my part? We all survived it. The kid seemed to appreciate it and I walked away feeling good about it. How many times had I just walked on by because I told myself it was none of my business. Then later I felt like I somehow condoned it. It is time to reclaim our sense of community. That Albertson’s store is my village. Why wouldn’t I say something?

Whether or not you participate in an experience is a by-product of how you see yourself in relation to the experience. I recommend getting in the habit of seeing yourself as a part of every situation that you are in. What do you have to offer it? What is your part of that dance?

Then all of people, possibilities, and resources associated with the experience are available to you. It is only you seeing yourself as being separate that excludes you. Being separate is a story you tell yourself; it is an illusion. You can just as easy choose to see yourself as part of and participate.

So give yourself permission to be a part of. Life is happening right in front of you. Let yourself have some.

Breathe into your fear

When we are afraid of something, we push our energy out. Therefore, we are not able to allow the energy of the experience in- so we can understand what is really going on. We make assumptions about what is going on. These assumptions are contrived. We make up stories about how things are or how they are going to be and tell them to ourselves. One somewhat overused acronym calls FEAR- False Evidence Appearing Real.

On the contrary, when we allow the energy of the experience in- all of our resources are available to us. We can feel what is going on. Our instincts,  intuition, and experience become available to us. I call these things our “resource pool”.

So when you feel fear, breathe into it. When you are afraid, you stop breathing. By breathing into the experience, you embrace it.  You are open and receptive to it. You believe in your survivability enough to risk. I visualize it as breathing in while embracing with outstretched arms and moving toward.

Embracing the fear allows the energy of the experience in. Instantaneously, all of your resources all available to you. You understand what is going on. You see things as they are. You do not have to make assumptions about them. Solutions come out of nowhere. You see your fears to be the illusions that they really are.

The symbolism of dream interpretation illustrates this extremely well. A common dream has a monster (your fear) chasing you around. You turn and embrace it and it runs into a harmless or even beautiful thing. Embracing it “takes the teeth out” of your fear.

I recommend breathing into and embracing as a practice for approaching any experience. Access your resources. And if you feel yourself not breathing or scared… breathe into it. The monster in front of you is not real.

You better believe it!

We only allow ourselves to see the things that we believe are possible for ourselves. Otherwise, what we want could be right in front of us and we would not see it. Even if we saw it, we would discount it or push it away if we did not believe it is available to us.