Ever see one of the those old movies or westerns that show the small town coming together for a barn raising? The bad guys or some tragedy burned the person’s house or barn down. The whole community then comes together and builds a new house or barn for them. The 1985 movie “Witness” by Peter Weir (see clip) showed an awesome barn raising in an Amish community in Pennsylvania. There is cooperation, community, and selflessness. I always thought it was the coolest thing.
Ever wonder why this sort of thing doesn’t happen much anymore? I do. In earlier times, or even today in small, isolated towns, people had/have to depend on each other in order to survive. They did not have the luxury of living in social isolation and fenced-in yards.
The closest thing that I see in contemporary America is helping someone move or a church helping paint an elderly person’s house. I always make time to help someone move. People in those situations are usually needing help and feeling vulnerable. It is a great way to come together in a genuine shared experience. And, it let’s people know that they are not alone. That if things really got bad, there would be someone there to help. It is one of the most powerful ways I know to make a difference.
And… as things with the economy and the planet get more challenging, we may be heading full circle to a time that we once again have to rely on each other to survive. The truth is when we, as a people, start becoming self-centered, self-indulgent, and isolated, it creates societal or economic problems that force us to come together again. It is nature’s way of keeping us honest. It could be rather inconvenient. But maybe then, we might not feel so isolated, lonely, and at-risk. Maybe if we started now, things may not have to get as bad as they would otherwise. My friend has a truck…
We often rely on our family of origin for our family traditions. We have been doing them since we were little and they make the holidays feel special to us. This year, why not consider starting a new family tradition for your new or primary family? Traditions add strength and character to families. This family is different than the family that you grew up in- perhaps some new traditions that are tailored to it are in order.
Traditions can be traditional, planned, or spontaneous. They are always start with what is important to you. One of my personal traditions is to have a romantic evening and gift exchange with my girlfriend/wife on Christmas Eve. That is our time. Kids, presents, extended family can come on Christmas day. So think about what is really important to you during the holidays and plan a tradition around it. Make it special. Make it meaningful.
As well, this holiday season look for spontaneous or accidental traditions that may be presenting themselves to you. Maybe you are out of town or busy and cannot get the Christmas tree until Christmas Eve. Decorating the tree on Christmas Eve turns out to be turns out to be a huge hit with the kids and everyone involved. Now you have a family tradition. Or… maybe you get invited to go caroling at the last moment and it turns out to be perfect. What is important is considering what elements you are looking for in a tradition- so you recognize it when it appears.
Even better if it is different than either of your and your significant other’s traditions. It gives yourselves, your children, and your parents a signal that this is your family. It is unique and special unto itself. It is not to be measured by any other standards. Your family has its own character and personality. And… it deserves to be celebrated.
When entering a relationship, starting a family, or becoming part of something- it is essential to shift our level of consciousness from an “I” to a “we” perspective. We then take into consideration, make decisions, and take responsibility based on what is best for everyone in the marriage, family, or community. We are now a team. This allows us to move emotionally from adolescence to adulthood.
In our culture, this expansion of consciousness or “rite-of-passage” usually happens when a couple has children. Unfortunately, if one of the couple is not emotionally involved in the child entering the family, that person may not experience the rite-of-passage and remain in the “I”consciousness. This often happens with divorces or separations, as well as, someone who chooses to continue to be self-involved. Fathers are more susceptible to this separation from the “we” of the family- as they may not get the attachment and involvement with the child during pregnancy. They remain stuck in the “I” consciousness of adolescence. You then have a couple with two people living in different worlds.
Therefore… it is essential to create a rite-of-passage into “we” consciousness upon entering a relationship, family, or community. Both the mother and father need to be involved in what is happening in the family. This is why it is so important for the father to go to things like a Lamaze class or help paint the nursery. If you do not have children, you owe it yourself to create this expansion of consciousness by becoming part of something greater than yourself.
On the up side… you will no longer feel so alone.
Everything we say or do either creates connection or separation with the people and life around us. The more connection that we allow in our lives- the more happiness, security, and strength we experience.
I have found this not only to be true- but to be an excellent overall guide when making decisions. When considering whether to say or do something, I simply ask myself will doing/saying that create connection or separation with the person/people involved. If the answer is connection- I proceed, if it is separation- I either pass on it or find a way to do it that creates connection. It is when I do not consider this that I tend to create experiences that I regret.
It is also useful in evaluating and learning from past experiences. Did doing/saying that create connection or separation. Next time… I will do more of that, not do that, or approach it differently.
Best wishes connecting with those around you.
Ever see one of the those old movies or westerns that show the small town coming together for a barn raising? The bad guys or some tragedy burned the person’s house or barn down. The whole community then comes together and builds a new house or barn for them. The 1985 movie “Witness” by Peter Weir (see clip) showed an awesome barn raising in an Amish community in Pennsylvania. There is cooperation, community, and selflessness. I always thought it was the coolest thing.
We often rely on our family of origin for our family traditions. We have been doing them since we were little and they make the holidays feel special to us. This year, why not consider starting a new family tradition for your new or primary family? Traditions add strength and character to families. This family is different than the family that you grew up in- perhaps some new traditions that are tailored to it are in order.
