We have to do better

Last week I was flying from St. Louis to Minneapolis and only had 15 minutes from when the plane would land and the door closing on my next flight. I was hopeful when I heard the flight attendant announce, “If you do not have a tight connecting flight, please let the people that have tight connections deplane first.”

When the door opened and people started exiting, I was disappointed. Not one of the people in front of me (I was in the back of the plane) waited to allow people with tight connections to go through. And more than half of them did not have tight connections (based on the numerous conversations I had waiting for the door to open).

I was encouraging a woman in her late teens from Canada. I was trying to convince her that she would make her connection. She looked at me and asked, “How come none of the people are letting us pass?” I felt like I had to tell her the truth. I said, “They are frightened and not able to get out of their own little worlds.” We both were sad. Sad that we might miss our flight, and sad that people were not able to help us out.

In my 2010 white paper, I to We: 5 ways to expand your level of consciousness (free download), I start with the paper’s main idea, “We no longer have the luxury of seeing ourselves as separate from the world around us. We cannot afford self-centered behavior. We are going to have to work together. We need new ways of thinking to interact collaboratively and live collectively as a people. In order to survive and flourish in the new world, we are going to have to expand our level of consciousness from I to We.”

I made my flight. But still, we have to do better.

Team-up against each others’ challenges

We all get blocked, stuck, or overwhelmed on creative projects. So team-up with someone. Create a team with your husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, friend, colleague, or associate. Have each of you identify something that you have resistance toward or are overwhelmed by. Pick someone to go first and then work on it together.

The helper best takes the energizer role. He or she can see the situation with freshness and clarity. They can ask the blocked artist questions to find solutions. But mostly they are there to encourage and support the artist to work through their inhibition, resistances, and fear. Jump off the cliff with them. Do not stop until you have accomplished something beyond what the blocked artist thought was possible. This exercise is intended to allow the artist to see new possibilities and hope. Then later that afternoon or on another day, switch roles and team up against the other person’s block.

You get the added value of creating a shared experience with the person. You get to know each other on a much deeper level. The person in the blocked artist role has to expose and trust. Exposure is the key to intimacy. The artist has to allow the helper into their world; he/she has to be vulnerable.

The helper has to get out of their own world to get into the artist’s world. This in itself can be liberating for the helper. The helper has to be inquisitive and care about the artist’s world. The bond you form in this exercise is powerful. I highly recommend it for couples at any stage of a relationship.

And get used to teaming up. With where we are going in the big, new world- we are going to have to go there together.

What’s going on in your world?

This was one of the favorite questions my mentor, Bart Anderson, would ask people. The first thing it helped me realize is that another person’s world or reality may be vastly different than my own. Although geologically we live in the same world, our beliefs about it, and therefore experience of it, may be totally different.

Part of Bart’s magic when he interacted with people was that he really wanted to know what it is was like in your world. He was fascinated by  your current experience of life. He would inquisitively ask questions to understand your world. Then if you would let him, he would come into your world and experience it with you. This was a little scary at first for people, but if they chose to let him in- they did not feel so alone anymore.

Why do I share this? I offer it as a way to interact with people. These days, it is what people need most. Their world is likely isolated. If you want to connect with someone (and they are open to it), there is no better way than to explore their world. I recommend asking questions like: “What are you excited about?” or “What was that like for you?” You will start realizing that even an experience that you shared with them may have been totally different for them. Most people find it fun to compare notes.

So next time you see someone that fascinates you, allow yourself to wonder what it is like for them. And then have the courage to inquire what it is like in their world. They may be taken back a bit. But if they sense you are sincerely interested, they just may tell you.

Be prepared to explore strange new worlds.

Orchestrating your weekend

It’s Wednesday. Wake up. It’s time to orchestrate your weekend. I know you are tired, but people are counting on you. Your significant other needs some romantic time. Your kids need to be exposed to new experiences. Your friend needs to meet for a cup of coffee or a beer- don’t forget to call. And you need some time to develop that passion that you have been feeling. Some you time.

None of this stuff will happen if you don’t focus. If you just let he weekend go any old way- it will be lost. Not that every aspect of it needs to be planned. There will be plenty of room for spontaneity. You just need to set the stage.

You have been given hints of what you can orchestrate. The future participants themselves have alluded to the things they are needing. In the middle of your coworker’s boring story, he mentioned an event that would be perfect. There is an outdoor hockey game. The Kodo drummers are coming. The symphony is playing Beethoven’s Ninth.

All it takes is a little thought- on the drive into work. Get online when you take a break and explore your idea. There is something big that is trying to happen.

You are the conductor. If you can just orchestrate it, and then get out of its way- it will unfold into shared experiences. They will add untold richness to your loved one’s lives. And to yours. It will expose them to things that they would not have otherwise known. Someday they will draw on that experience. It will open up the world to them.

And all it takes is a little thought and consideration. Some orchestration. It is up to you. Are you going to do it?

Win-win is becoming more profitable

Business has been dominated by predatory interactions for some time. Prey on your customers when they are vulnerable- because you can. Until recently it has been difficult to argue that this is not the best way to be profitable. But the world has changed…

The predatory paradigm (and greed) are based on a belief of limited resources: “If I want something I am going to have to take it from someone else.” But what happens when resources get even more limited?- like now. What happens when fleecing your customers (because you can) destroys them or puts them out of business. Then you do not have customers anymore. The predatory paradigm is based on taking just enough from you customers to make a profit and keep them dependent on you, but not so much that it prevents them from making more money to harvest in the future.

But now we have a poor economy that is not going away. There are a lack of jobs. Many are financially weak and it is survival. We are not spending. We are paying attention to the details and fine print more than ever. There are stories on the news about banks and corporate greed. We are not the easy mark that we used to be. We might even be changing our lifestyle.

The only way out of this crisis and lack of resources is through innovation (see previous blog). The businesses and corporations that can turn a profit and uplift their customers are going to do the best. That is… the mutual benefit (or win-win) paradigm is more profitable than ever. Books like Good To Great (link) by Jim Colllins and Tribes by Seth Godin (free Tribes Casebook- thanks Seth) explain how this works.

So if you are one of those people that believes in mutual benefit and didn’t have the heart to prey on others’ misfortune to make money- the table has turned in your direction.

In today’s world, the business that can uplift itself, its customers, its employees, its community, and the planet will win every time.