No more holding back

I am writing this blog on my 50th birthday. I am taking no prisoners in Life: Part II. As I look back over the previous 50 years, I have few regrets. One tendency that I do regret is holding myself back. Things like (at times) not speaking up, not rocking the boat, or not approaching people/situations when I was drawn to do so. All due to my arch nemesis: inhibition. (A fancy word for fear.)

Then there is the giving up on my dream too soon (ouch). And allowing myself to get distracted from it.

Unfortunately, there is no way to resolve regret- besides promising myself to never allow it to happen again.

So Life: Part I and its regrets stop right here. My life from here forward is going to be focused and free. I already have quite a bit of momentum- so I know it will happen. Time to celebrate.

Feel free to join me by starting your Life: Part II. You get to pick the nature of your Part II. Of course, you do not have to be 50. I guess that is what it took for me to get serious enough about it.

What is it going to take you?

Bad idea

Successful people have good ideas- some of them brilliant. But even more of them are bad. We don’t hear about those much. They are the ones that didn’t make the cut. Many of us assume that people like Steve Jobs only have brilliant ideas. An iPod might be a one in ten thousand idea. Mr. Jobs was just willing to have more bad ideas than we are. He was willing to risk. It is actually successful people’s willingness to have bad ideas that allows them to get to the good ones.

I have to go back to the Nike commercial with Michael Jordan (link) recounting how many times his team entrusted him to take the final shot and he missed. His somewhat famous quote is “I’ve failed over and over and over in my life and that is why I succeed.”

So basically, we just need to fail more. When we are willing to fail as many times as hugely successful people are, we will be hugely successful.

And, this perfection model of ours has got to go. It just inhibits us. We make hundreds, if not thousands, of decisions in a day. Is it really realistic to expect that they all be good? Then, with our propensity for the negative, we zoom in on our worst decisions of the day and identify with them.

Plus, we rarely notice our good decisions- because good decisions often prevent bad (and noticeable) outcomes. But bad decisions crash and burn. We definitely notice those. Then we say, “I make bad decisions, I better not try.”

Or, we give up too early. We give our masterpiece two or three tries and then say, “Well, I guess it’s not going to work. Another bad idea.”

So join me. Got an idea? Let’s see if that sucker flies.

Spring Equinox: Planting seeds of potentiality

Yesterday, March 20th, was the Spring Equinox. Many Native American, pagan, and earth-based spiritual practices celebrate Spring Equinox as time of giving birth to new beginnings. The Lakota Sioux begin their year’s cycle in the spring. They even enter the medicine wheel in the gate of the east which represents springtime.

I am viewing this Spring Equinox as a time to plant seed(s). A seed represents potentiality. It is an idea, an intention. It is something you want to unfold this coming year. So Spring Equinox is the perfect time to plant and awaken your vision for the coming year.

But before we plant, we have to be clear in what we are planting. That starts by asking yourself, “What is most important to me at this time in my life? What aspects of my life do I want to unfold.” This is your intention. Only choose it if you are willing and able to fully commit to it.

Then it’s time for the ceremonial planting. Take your intention and symbolically plant it in the earth. That is, take it from the concept that is in your mind and release it outside of yourself- so it can begin to interact and grow. This spring and summer, you will be watering and nurturing it. When the seedling breaks out of the ground, you will protect its vulnerability. You will water it and fertilize it- and pull weeds that come up around it. Until your plant grows strong. Until it reaps a harvest in the fall.

So this Spring Equinox (let’s extend it to this week and this coming weekend), you owe it to yourself to get quiet and ask yourself what is really important to you this year. What is the dream you would like to make real? And then do something to symbolically plant that in the ground.

This weekend some friends and I will be doing on the beach in North San Diego County.  http://michaelhoffman.info/retreats/

We will be planting seeds. Feel free to join us in person or in spirit.

Spring cleaning: Clearing space for the new

It is the perfect time of the year for spring cleaning. Your world is still structured for the old. It is so last year. Spring cleaning clears the clutter of the old to make room for the new. It helps you reformat your world.

Zen Buddhism uses the metaphor of emptying your cup. Emptying your cup of the old makes room for the new. You are reallocating your precious resources of time and energy. You are also emptying your self- beliefs and perceptions of the world that have no place in your new world.

Having a vision for the new is the essential for effective spring cleaning. It provides a basis to evaluate whether the existing things in your world serve the new. So as you hold that object in your hands wondering if you should keep it, store it or trash it, you can ask yourself, “Will this serve me in the new direction I am heading?”

And as you clean, you may encounter karma–or unfinished business. For these things, you may need to complete something before you release it. When something is complete, it no longer saps the energy of the new by seeking to complete itself. This also prevents revolving door syndrome of creating the same thing in a slightly different form over and over again.

And while you are cleaning externally, you are also cleaning internally. And while you are creating a space for your new world on the outside, you are creating a space for your new world on the inside.

So keep scrubbing until it is shiny and new.

Oh, I could never do that

Sure you could. You just tell yourself that you cannot so you don’t have to consider it. When we think of doing something we are drawn to, but is out of our comfort zone, it creates conflict and tension. Plus, there is the fear of doing it. The most convenient way to alleviate the tension and fear is to take away the thing we are drawn to. Such is the death of many possibilities, invitations, and ideas- before they ever get a chance.

If we would just be willing to endure the tension and fear for a little while, some of these possibilities might stand a chance. But many of us have become wimps when it comes to such tension and fear. Much easier to dismiss it with nary a thought.

An unfortunate by-product of this is that we are continually telling ourselves that we cannot do things. Pretty soon we start believing it. Before long, we create a belief system that we are incapable. When you think about it, it is easier to be incapable. We don’t have to take responsibility for our choices.

One way to break this tendency is to own that you that you could do it, but do not want to. Or that you could do it, but it would be really scary. Or you might fail. Or it would be really hard. And so forth. At least this way, you are being honest with yourself. You are giving to yourself straight. And you are forcing yourself to deal with the possibilities that are presenting themselves to you.

Although that is rarely comfortable either. I suppose if you want access to the doorways that are opening themselves to you, you may have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.