One of the most common and self-destructive self-beliefs is, “I am unlovable.” We come by it honestly. When we were a child, if our own mother or father cannot love and accept us the way we are- we assume we are unlovable. Children, after all, are developmentally narcissistic; they make everything about them.
But the reality is, it had nothing to do with us. It had everything to do with the people that were not able to love us.
Anyway, if we carry this belief into adulthood (and most of us do), we keep recreating scenarios to reenforce that we are unlovable. We create self-fulfilling prophesies. We unconsciously love people that are unable to love us back. We push away people that are able to love us (
see previous blog). We feel lonely on Valentine’s Day.
Maybe it is time to scrap the “unlovable” belief system. If we become consciously aware of our patterns of loving people that are unavailable and/or pushing people that do love us away, we can make different choices.
By allowing people to love us, we disprove and eradicate the unlovable self-belief.
So this Valentine’s Day, I invite you to look for signs that you are loved- rather than signs that you are not. I am willing to bet there are people all around you trying to love you. Can you see them?
Happy Valentine’s Day.
No one likes New Year’s resolutions anymore. They may be getting close to extinction. This year, I’ve already heard several people say, “I don’t like resolutions. I never follow through with them anyway.” Maybe the problem is not with the resolution- but the follow through. I like New Year’s resolutions. It is right after the new light of the winter solstice. It is the perfect time to reinvent your life. It is the ideal time to make change.
So this year my thought is we could bring back New Year’s resolutions. Of course the best way to bring them back is to make them and follow through with them. Then we can use all this social networking stuff to make resolutions so we can create motivation and momentum for each other. So I invite you to list your resolution after this post on Facebook, Twitter, or Blogger. Hopefully, together we can start a nice list.
I will start. I have three resolutions this year: 1. Aerobic exercise three times a week; 2. Meditate every morning (I am hitting about 4 times a week now); and 3. Do what I call “closure” every evening. Closure is asking yourself a series of 6 questions for each significant, impactful experience of the day- usually about 2 to 4.
Then our first goal is to make it through January. They say if you can do something for a month that you will create a new pattern for yourself. Once you get into February it is part of your routine.
So Happy New Year. That is, make a New Year’s resolution and make it a HAPPY and NEW year for yourself.
Carl Jung defined the “shadow” as the part of us that “represents unknown or little know attributes of the ego.” He continues about the value of the shadow in Man and his Symbols, “But sometimes everything that is that is unknown to the ego is mixed up with the shadow, including the most valuable and highest forces.” Later in the chapter he advises, “If the shadow figure contains valuable, vital forces, they ought to be assimilated into actual experience and not repressed. It is up to the ego to give up its pride and priggishness and to live out something that seems to be dark, but actually may not be”
I cannot think of a better time for what Jung called “the realization of the shadow” than on Halloween. This year why not dance out your shadow by picking a costume that embodies your alter-ego or part of yourself that you normally do not allow or expose? For the really courageous, act in the character of your shadow costume during a party.
So… if you cannot think of a good costume this Halloween, live a little and expand your repertoire. Let your shadow come out to play!
I see dreams as a way our inner consciousness (aka. unconscious, soul, higher self, etc.), or the part of us that knows what is best for us, tries to communicate with our conscious mind. It communicates with symbols. There is new interest in symbols due to Dan Brown’s recent book The Lost Symbol. I believe our ego defends our conscious mind against any communication that threatens it maintaining control and the status quo. But our ego renders our whacky dream content harmless and lets it pass through. So if we decode the symbolism or “interpret” the dream, we can understand what are inner consciousness is trying to say to our conscious mind. I call it “communication with self” and consider it the most pure guidance that we can receive.
I find Carl Jung the most helpful reference to understanding symbols am dreams and recommend his book
Man and his Symbols. (Make sure you get the hardback edition with the cool pictures.) I do not recommend getting a dream dictionary that lists all of the symbols’ meaning. Better to to a feel for the symbols’ meaning by reading some Jung or Joseph Campbell (
The Power of Myth is excellent). Or better yet… sit in a dream group with someone that understands symbols and dream interpretation.
So next time you have a really strange dream, ask yourself, “What is it trying to tell me?”
One of the most common and self-destructive self-beliefs is, “I am unlovable.” We come by it honestly. When we were a child, if our own mother or father cannot love and accept us the way we are- we assume we are unlovable. Children, after all, are developmentally narcissistic; they make everything about them.
No one likes New Year’s resolutions anymore. They may be getting close to extinction. This year, I’ve already heard several people say, “I don’t like resolutions. I never follow through with them anyway.” Maybe the problem is not with the resolution- but the follow through. I like New Year’s resolutions. It is right after the new light of the winter solstice. It is the perfect time to reinvent your life. It is the ideal time to make change.
Carl Jung defined the “shadow” as the part of us that “represents unknown or little know attributes of the ego.” He continues about the value of the shadow in Man and his Symbols, “But sometimes everything that is that is unknown to the ego is mixed up with the shadow, including the most valuable and highest forces.” Later in the chapter he advises, “If the shadow figure contains valuable, vital forces, they ought to be assimilated into actual experience and not repressed. It is up to the ego to give up its pride and priggishness and to live out something that seems to be dark, but actually may not be”
I see dreams as a way our inner consciousness (aka. unconscious, soul, higher self, etc.), or the part of us that knows what is best for us, tries to communicate with our conscious mind. It communicates with symbols. There is new interest in symbols due to Dan Brown’s recent book The Lost Symbol. I believe our ego defends our conscious mind against any communication that threatens it maintaining control and the status quo. But our ego renders our whacky dream content harmless and lets it pass through. So if we decode the symbolism or “interpret” the dream, we can understand what are inner consciousness is trying to say to our conscious mind. I call it “communication with self” and consider it the most pure guidance that we can receive.
