Keeping yourself intact

Jan 12th, 2012No Comments

“I care too much about myself to allow you to treat me that way.” This is the phrase that I have domestic violence victims internalize. Many self-development books and philosophies encourage you to open your heart. Find intimacy, take emotional risks, allow yourself to be vulnerable, let your defenses down, etc.  But few talk about keeping yourself intact while you do this.

Keeping yourself intact allows you to take intelligent emotional risks. Opening your self up to someone that does not value the beauty of your heart is setting yourself up to be hurt.  If someone does not honor the preciousness of your heart, they do not deserve your open heart.

Discernment allows you to evaluate if it is wise to open your heart to a person or experience. It is still a risk to open your heart to someone who will likely be gentle with it. You will still feel vulnerable. Discernment merely increases your odds that your open heart will be treated well. Can they handle emotional intensity? Are they critical? Do they gossip?

Or… are they strong enough to be gentle?

Until you find the strength to stop someone from mistreating your heart, it may not be wise to open it. The number one thing to do if someone is mistreating your heart ( a.k.a. emotionally abusing you) is to stop the abuse. You can stop it directly by saying, “Don’t go there”, or indirectly by leaving. But make sure it stops. Shame on them the first time they abuse you- that is the risk you take when you share yourself. But shame on you for allowing it to continue.

It all gets down to how much you value the beauty of your heart.

About author:

Michael Hoffman’s passion is guiding people to connect with their natural gifts. He believes that we all have innate gifts that hugely benefit others and the world when we offer them. The purest example of these gifts is the Native American concept of medicine or the gift you offer your people. Michael defines your medicine or gift as the natural effect you have on other people when your heart is open. Unfortunately, the demands of our current culture to comply and fit in often distract people away from their inherent gifts and the natural expression of their being. Michael believes many of us have forgotten our dreams and what we are about. This sadly results in a loss of purpose, passion, and vitality. As an innate gift specialist, Michael offers retreats, classes, and individual sessions to allow people to reclaim their natural gifts. These venues allow people to identify, awaken, and offer their gifts. This experiential work incorporates Zen thought, Native American ceremony, rites-of-passage, and releasing limiting belief systems. Michael also maintains his meta blog to provide knowledge, skills, and awareness for unfolding your natural gifts. He is currently compiling this knowledge and research into a college class and book. Michael earned his Bachelor of Science in Psychology in 1987 and Master of Social Work in 1996. He is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. In addition to his formal education, Michael studied and apprenticed with a Zen Master and spiritual teacher for 22 years to learn how to guide people to understand themselves. He has worked with people professionally since 1986 as a psychotherapist and teacher. Michael currently resides in Oceanside, California.

All entries by

Leave a Reply