Givers love to give to other people. This is a beautiful quality, but many do not appreciate your gift or may even take advantage of it. So your giving has a limited effect. If, on the other hand, you give to people that make use of your offering, it completes the circle and makes a huge difference.

So although it may seem contrary to the mood of giving freely, it is essential to consider how much to give to the people you give to. This requires discernment.

One technique for acquiring discernment when giving is to match the investment of the person you are giving to. Give them something and observe what they do with it. If they use it, work with it, appreciate it, or in other words invest something of themselves into it, continue giving to them. If however, they use what you give them as long as they do not have to invest anything, it is a sign to stop giving to that person. They are likely just looking to take. Better to offer your precious gift to someone that will do something with it.

Givers and takers often have karmic relationships with each other. This was well portrayed in the movie Something Borrowed. The main character (played by Ginnifer Goodwin) was a classic giver. She realizes she and the fiance’ of her friend (Kate Hudson) have strong feelings for each other. She painstakingly considers how acting on this would affect her friend. When she is about to walk away from her love interest out of loyalty to her friend, another friend (John Krasinsky) points out that if the situation was reversed, Kate Hudson’s character would not hesitate for a second to pursue the relationship. She was more invested in the friendship then her friend.

Givers go out of their way to sacrifice themselves to people that do not appreciate it. So they end up not allowing themselves to have what they really want.

Matching the others investment keeps the relationship honest. It allows you to give to people that have the capacity and desire to give something back- whether is back to you or to someone else.