Who are you protecting?

Feb 2nd, 2011No Comments

Who is threatened by your success? Who gets scared when you let yourself shine? Do you crawl back in your box when you see the frightened look on their face?

Intellectually, we know that we are not doing anyone any favors by protecting people. That you would hold yourself back for another person to feel safe is obviously not good for either person. You need to break free, and they need to be pushed out of their comfort zone. It is pop psychology and common sense.

So why do we keep protecting other people? It is an emotional issue and it usually goes really deep. The primary charge probably occurred in childhood. It is usually from an insecure parent being threatened by the beauty of your being. When you were young, you needed the acceptance of your parent(s) for survival. The risk of being awesome and beautiful was too high. So you molded yourself into something that was palatable for your parent(s) and the rest of your family. You learned to fit in. You learned to not rock the boat.

But you are not a child anymore. You are not reliant on your parent for survival. They may not even be alive anymore. It is just a habit or behavioral pattern now. You may have replaced your insecure parent with a new family member- or a boss or friend. So now when you shine or get ready to break free- it is them that becomes frightened.

So we crawl back in our box for them. All is well in Camelot again. Our relationship might not be able to handle it. It’s not that big a deal to stifle our passion. We can tell ourselves our dreams are not that important. We could be happy and free. But as long as everyone feels safe and comfortable- it’ll be alright.

Until it’s not.

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About author:

Michael Hoffman’s passion is guiding people to connect with their natural gifts. He believes that we all have innate gifts that hugely benefit others and the world when we offer them. The purest example of these gifts is the Native American concept of medicine or the gift you offer your people. Michael defines your medicine or gift as the natural effect you have on other people when your heart is open. Unfortunately, the demands of our current culture to comply and fit in often distract people away from their inherent gifts and the natural expression of their being. Michael believes many of us have forgotten our dreams and what we are about. This sadly results in a loss of purpose, passion, and vitality. As an innate gift specialist, Michael offers retreats, classes, and individual sessions to allow people to reclaim their natural gifts. These venues allow people to identify, awaken, and offer their gifts. This experiential work incorporates Zen thought, Native American ceremony, rites-of-passage, and releasing limiting belief systems. Michael also maintains his meta blog to provide knowledge, skills, and awareness for unfolding your natural gifts. He is currently compiling this knowledge and research into a college class and book. Michael earned his Bachelor of Science in Psychology in 1987 and Master of Social Work in 1996. He is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. In addition to his formal education, Michael studied and apprenticed with a Zen Master and spiritual teacher for 22 years to learn how to guide people to understand themselves. He has worked with people professionally since 1986 as a psychotherapist and teacher. Michael currently resides in Oceanside, California.

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