The wall of fear

Feb 9th, 2011No Comments

You’re talking to someone and having a good time. You’re laughing and enjoying each others’ company. Then you mention something and everything shifts. They start getting defensive. They start putting obstacles between the two of you. They become much more distant and unavailable all of a sudden. The energy of your interaction totally shifts. What just happened, you say to yourself? You just ran into the wall of fear.

You can invite them to cross over the wall, but they must be willing. Most of the time all you can do is smile and walk away. It always feels a little sad. And it usually catches you a little off-guard- you go from close to distant really quickly.

But just understanding what that the wall of fear is- makes it easier to deal with. The first thing to realize is it has nothing to do with you. It may have to do with what you represent to them. It may even have to do with getting too close to them. But these things are not about you. They are reacting to images of you. It is essential to not personalize it.

And you may have a wall of fear too. Next time you want to withdraw and run from something, remember how it felt to be on the other side of the wall. Instead of withdrawing, you can ask, “What is it that I am so afraid of? What is the worst thing that can happen here?”

Then take a deep breath and walk through your wall of fear. As soon as you challenge it, your reality and belief systems will change.

You, after all, just survived your wall of fear. And come to find there is life on the other side of it.

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About author:

Michael Hoffman’s passion is guiding people to connect with their natural gifts. He believes that we all have innate gifts that hugely benefit others and the world when we offer them. The purest example of these gifts is the Native American concept of medicine or the gift you offer your people. Michael defines your medicine or gift as the natural effect you have on other people when your heart is open. Unfortunately, the demands of our current culture to comply and fit in often distract people away from their inherent gifts and the natural expression of their being. Michael believes many of us have forgotten our dreams and what we are about. This sadly results in a loss of purpose, passion, and vitality. As an innate gift specialist, Michael offers retreats, classes, and individual sessions to allow people to reclaim their natural gifts. These venues allow people to identify, awaken, and offer their gifts. This experiential work incorporates Zen thought, Native American ceremony, rites-of-passage, and releasing limiting belief systems. Michael also maintains his meta blog to provide knowledge, skills, and awareness for unfolding your natural gifts. He is currently compiling this knowledge and research into a college class and book. Michael earned his Bachelor of Science in Psychology in 1987 and Master of Social Work in 1996. He is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. In addition to his formal education, Michael studied and apprenticed with a Zen Master and spiritual teacher for 22 years to learn how to guide people to understand themselves. He has worked with people professionally since 1986 as a psychotherapist and teacher. Michael currently resides in Oceanside, California.

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