Support them while they work it out

Dec 10th, 2010No Comments

People find themselves in life situations they need to complete and understand. True compassion is allowing them (or yourself) to work out what they need to.

We allow children to learn the lessons they need. Well, adults are trying to learn lessons too. Why not extend that same courtesy to them? Let them work it out. It is likely not rational or intellectual. They need the experience- so they can understand it. This allows them to complete the lesson or accept the truth. Then they can move onto something else.

A classic example involves a middle-age guy buying a sports car. Or maybe he is hitting on younger women. What is our first response? We tend to judge it. We say he is pathetic or shallow. We fail to offer our friend the support he needs.

Why not celebrate your friend’s mid-life crisis with him? Go with him to pick out the sports car. Encourage him to ask out the younger woman. Let him work it out. With a little support, he will move through this challenging time.

Or… say a forty-something woman “gets some work done.” Or say she is suddenly wearing clothes that are too young for her or spending a lot of time to how she looks. Again, we tend to be quick to judge. Here she is grieving not being as youthfully attractive as she used to be. Trying to adjust to how men now treat her differently. How do you respond?

You could support her. Dress up in your hottest clothes and go out on the town with her. She will work it out. She knows what is going on. She just needs to work through it.

Are you strong enough to support her in her time of need?

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About author:

Michael Hoffman’s passion is guiding people to connect with their natural gifts. He believes that we all have innate gifts that hugely benefit others and the world when we offer them. The purest example of these gifts is the Native American concept of medicine or the gift you offer your people. Michael defines your medicine or gift as the natural effect you have on other people when your heart is open. Unfortunately, the demands of our current culture to comply and fit in often distract people away from their inherent gifts and the natural expression of their being. Michael believes many of us have forgotten our dreams and what we are about. This sadly results in a loss of purpose, passion, and vitality. As an innate gift specialist, Michael offers retreats, classes, and individual sessions to allow people to reclaim their natural gifts. These venues allow people to identify, awaken, and offer their gifts. This experiential work incorporates Zen thought, Native American ceremony, rites-of-passage, and releasing limiting belief systems. Michael also maintains his meta blog to provide knowledge, skills, and awareness for unfolding your natural gifts. He is currently compiling this knowledge and research into a college class and book. Michael earned his Bachelor of Science in Psychology in 1987 and Master of Social Work in 1996. He is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. In addition to his formal education, Michael studied and apprenticed with a Zen Master and spiritual teacher for 22 years to learn how to guide people to understand themselves. He has worked with people professionally since 1986 as a psychotherapist and teacher. Michael currently resides in Oceanside, California.

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