Got guilt? Learn something.

Oct 14th, 2010No Comments

We get hung up on reconciliation. When we feel guilty- we want to make it right. This is one of those great ideas that just does not work. Once you make a mistake that hurts someone (or yourself), you really can’t undo its effect.

So say you betray a friend’s trust. Your first response is to make things right. You have to do something that makes this right. You are so sorry. You are super nice to them. You send flowers. They may even forgive you. But you cannot undo the effect of what you did. Your relationship has changed. No matter what you do, it is going to take some time before that person trusts you again in that way- if they give you that chance.

It’s not that they are holding a grudge. It takes their heart some time to heal. Then they have to decide if they are going to risk going to that space with you again.

So you feel guilty. You beat yourself up. How could you mess up such a cool thing? What were you thinking? Maybe paying some penance will help the situation? Not really.

So what can you do?
1. Accept the effect your behavior had.
2. Learn something.
3. Promise yourself to never make that same mistake again.

Guilt is an issue we have with ourselves. We feel that we acted outside our integrity- and it hurt someone we care about. Learning from it allows us to get value from an otherwise negative experience. How did I let that happen? It makes our mistake count for something. Promising ourselves to not do it again allows us to hold ourselves accountable in way that we can forward. Perhaps we can even forgive ourselves (and let ourselves heal).

Because… although it may not be with the same person or situation, life will definitely give you another chance at this lesson. Will you be ready?

, , , , , , , Understanding Emotion
About author:

Michael Hoffman’s passion is guiding people to connect with their natural gifts. He believes that we all have innate gifts that hugely benefit others and the world when we offer them. The purest example of these gifts is the Native American concept of medicine or the gift you offer your people. Michael defines your medicine or gift as the natural effect you have on other people when your heart is open. Unfortunately, the demands of our current culture to comply and fit in often distract people away from their inherent gifts and the natural expression of their being. Michael believes many of us have forgotten our dreams and what we are about. This sadly results in a loss of purpose, passion, and vitality. As an innate gift specialist, Michael offers retreats, classes, and individual sessions to allow people to reclaim their natural gifts. These venues allow people to identify, awaken, and offer their gifts. This experiential work incorporates Zen thought, Native American ceremony, rites-of-passage, and releasing limiting belief systems. Michael also maintains his meta blog to provide knowledge, skills, and awareness for unfolding your natural gifts. He is currently compiling this knowledge and research into a college class and book. Michael earned his Bachelor of Science in Psychology in 1987 and Master of Social Work in 1996. He is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. In addition to his formal education, Michael studied and apprenticed with a Zen Master and spiritual teacher for 22 years to learn how to guide people to understand themselves. He has worked with people professionally since 1986 as a psychotherapist and teacher. Michael currently resides in Oceanside, California.

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